If you walked in, you might trip on the mop lying across the front hall – next to the package of toilet paper rolls that’s been there for three days now – or the vacuum cord that’s still plugged in from yesterday. The cushions from the couch are strewn all across the floor, amidst blankets and piles of laundry that were folded and sorted last night – and yet, never made their way upstairs.
The kitchen sink is full of dishes from the previous evening and now the dirty breakfast dishes are waiting their turn on the counter beside it.
They will need to wait awhile longer.
And so will all of the toys and misplaced items littering our house, and the trash can that needs a new bag, and the pile of give-away-stuff that needs to be transported down to the basement.
And the list goes on…
But I’m tired today. So tired in fact that I’m going to let it all slide.
And while I went to bed last night with a whole slew of things-to-be-done tomorrow, and progress that I should’ve made last week, I simply can’t summon the energy right now to do any of it.
So instead, I am just going to close my eyes to all of the mess that surrounds me.
But this is not something that comes easily to me – the choosing to rest instead of do, when there is so much doing to be done, without feeling like I am somehow inadequate or never-going-to-get-to-where-I-want-to-be.
And even more than the house stuff, it’s the non-progress on my professional goals that really tugs at me. It’s the phone calls that I won’t make; the research that won’t get done; the writing and planning and posting that will be delayed.
And yet, this is where I am, right now. This is my capacity at the moment.
I know what it’s like to push through, to soldier on, to pull up my boot straps and get to work anyway. And to somehow find the resources within me to do what needs to be done.
But not today.
I’m going to choose a more compassionate stance instead – and say: screw it.
Yep, the world can keep turning, my phone can keep dinging, the to-dos on my list can keep waiting.
I’m laying down my weary body – and resting today.
Fully. Shamelessly. And with surrender.